++CAPITAL PUNISHMENT**
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Pimping my crib 2
It’s been a week already, Gbenga was unable to come to my crib this weekend as planned to check out my house and know what to do about it. I called him and he was still in redeemed camp (dang!) I forgot it’s the first Friday of the month. I just hope he comes back on time.
Am back to my normal life, only thing now is it wasn’t normal again. I forgot to update you, I had been to one world and gone to price practically everything. You know when you suddenly realise you want so many things, even as you realise those you already possess suddenly need to be changed or upgraded as the case may be. I wanted the plasma TV (mos def); I wanted the water dispenser cause I want to upgrade from drinking pure water. I want to upgrade my gas cooker, I mean; I saw the price tag and it’s cheaper than I thought it would be (DANG!).
The truth is if you are not familiar with my cooker, you could be singed and left with no eye brow just by lighting it alone. I need a new home theatre, a 1.5 horse power split unit air conditioner won’t be a bad idea too; I know I want this washing machine. Am just so lazy when it comes to washing; and that’s despite the drycleaner taking care of my office shirts and suits. The list goes on and on….its endless.
I made a mental calculation of what it was all going to cost me to have the kind of simple and comfortable crib I wanted….Pshew!…. I could feel tiny beads of sweat break out on my fore head despite the air condition in the place. I was looking at half a million; and for the up millionth time wished my father had been a really corrupt man and saved us this hardship, why couldn’t he embezzle like all this politicians, at least Kwam1 will repair it on the dance floor. And as always I discarded the idea as useless…it was my other mind at work again. Or maybe I’ll discover some money on the floor (I unconsciously looked around my feet). But realized to discover the kind of money I needed was impossible. Or maybe I could learn how to do yahoo. But being able to raise my head in public knowing I used my brain to make my money is the euphoria I needed to boost my manhood. It’s just a matter of principle. (Dang! what am I to do?)
“You know, you are really just bothering your miserable head, you just forget all this and keep living, take a day at a time…honest. Who knows, twill work out….well,….kind of” I had a mental picture of this pessimistic very black guy with his skinny legs in red pointed boots, spotting a pointed goatee in my mind; sitting on a fence cross legged and munching on whatever it is he’s munching on.
“Dumb ass”...I mumbled under my breath.
“I beg your pardon,’ the lady showing me around enquired as she looked at me curiously, she was sure I spoke to her. I didn’t realise I had spoken aloud.
“Noting really’ I said with an half smile lost in thought.
‘Tu tu, Bad language’ he said.
I could sense him arms akimbo looking at me with a silly grin on his head. He was wearing that silly hat now. Pshew!
My optimistic mind mentally told me to ignore him; I was still being carried along; albeit a bit slower in the euphoria of the occasion.
I got home before I realized I hadn’t branched at prince supermarket again. My mind was still filled up with what to do with my crib.
I was still musing over how to increase my income drastically without going illegitimate, I was sitting in my room hoping I could get a sudden idea I could sell. My mind was churning out a lot of perfect ideas. Only problem is… they were junk! My bb buzzed again. It was a friend asking what I was doing this weekend. It’s coded bar crew and we were supposed to hang out. Can’t iya olu provide a new respite? I suggested. He sent me like 8 rapid question marks then “are you for real?’ I shrugged my shoulder as I dropped my phone back on the bed after sending him a ‘talk to you later’ message. They can’t understand. My crib is now paramount.
Then suddenly, I got hit with a brand new idea, .I ran over all possible lope holes in my mind, I saw like 8 in the first 5 minutes. Dang! Junk again. But oh well, I shrugged my shoulder again as I methodically wrote it down in my book of ideas and inventions. I’ll work on it at some other time and try to solve the problems. I just knew it was a matter of time. I will become a household name and make lots of money from it.
Am back to my normal life, only thing now is it wasn’t normal again. I forgot to update you, I had been to one world and gone to price practically everything. You know when you suddenly realise you want so many things, even as you realise those you already possess suddenly need to be changed or upgraded as the case may be. I wanted the plasma TV (mos def); I wanted the water dispenser cause I want to upgrade from drinking pure water. I want to upgrade my gas cooker, I mean; I saw the price tag and it’s cheaper than I thought it would be (DANG!).
The truth is if you are not familiar with my cooker, you could be singed and left with no eye brow just by lighting it alone. I need a new home theatre, a 1.5 horse power split unit air conditioner won’t be a bad idea too; I know I want this washing machine. Am just so lazy when it comes to washing; and that’s despite the drycleaner taking care of my office shirts and suits. The list goes on and on….its endless.
I made a mental calculation of what it was all going to cost me to have the kind of simple and comfortable crib I wanted….Pshew!…. I could feel tiny beads of sweat break out on my fore head despite the air condition in the place. I was looking at half a million; and for the up millionth time wished my father had been a really corrupt man and saved us this hardship, why couldn’t he embezzle like all this politicians, at least Kwam1 will repair it on the dance floor. And as always I discarded the idea as useless…it was my other mind at work again. Or maybe I’ll discover some money on the floor (I unconsciously looked around my feet). But realized to discover the kind of money I needed was impossible. Or maybe I could learn how to do yahoo. But being able to raise my head in public knowing I used my brain to make my money is the euphoria I needed to boost my manhood. It’s just a matter of principle. (Dang! what am I to do?)
“You know, you are really just bothering your miserable head, you just forget all this and keep living, take a day at a time…honest. Who knows, twill work out….well,….kind of” I had a mental picture of this pessimistic very black guy with his skinny legs in red pointed boots, spotting a pointed goatee in my mind; sitting on a fence cross legged and munching on whatever it is he’s munching on.
“Dumb ass”...I mumbled under my breath.
“I beg your pardon,’ the lady showing me around enquired as she looked at me curiously, she was sure I spoke to her. I didn’t realise I had spoken aloud.
“Noting really’ I said with an half smile lost in thought.
‘Tu tu, Bad language’ he said.
I could sense him arms akimbo looking at me with a silly grin on his head. He was wearing that silly hat now. Pshew!
My optimistic mind mentally told me to ignore him; I was still being carried along; albeit a bit slower in the euphoria of the occasion.
I got home before I realized I hadn’t branched at prince supermarket again. My mind was still filled up with what to do with my crib.
I was still musing over how to increase my income drastically without going illegitimate, I was sitting in my room hoping I could get a sudden idea I could sell. My mind was churning out a lot of perfect ideas. Only problem is… they were junk! My bb buzzed again. It was a friend asking what I was doing this weekend. It’s coded bar crew and we were supposed to hang out. Can’t iya olu provide a new respite? I suggested. He sent me like 8 rapid question marks then “are you for real?’ I shrugged my shoulder as I dropped my phone back on the bed after sending him a ‘talk to you later’ message. They can’t understand. My crib is now paramount.
Then suddenly, I got hit with a brand new idea, .I ran over all possible lope holes in my mind, I saw like 8 in the first 5 minutes. Dang! Junk again. But oh well, I shrugged my shoulder again as I methodically wrote it down in my book of ideas and inventions. I’ll work on it at some other time and try to solve the problems. I just knew it was a matter of time. I will become a household name and make lots of money from it.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Pimping my Crib 1
I've been living in my 3 bedroom flat for like what? A year and 6months; maybe more. Ok so when I moved in I did a little house decoration. I got a brown rug, a small 14" TV, and a brown couch with a wooden brown dinning table the walls are painted cream and the curtains emulate the wall paintings, soft silky stuff like that. Now that’s my sitting room and dinning; and to me, I think that’s just cool considering the fact that I rarely stay in the sitting room per say. I mean, I don’t even lie on the couch, I’ll rather slouch on the rug while am watching a movie on the lap top. Ohhhhh….., I forgot to mention, I lost my TV’s remote a year ago and the buttons are all gone...Well, some have been pressed so hard they’ve popped into the TV leaving tiny holes where the buttons are supposed to be situated. So am lucky to have it on the video channel which allows me to watch movies (so why watch on the laptop you wonder?) my home theatre has a lens problem, my friend staying with me once got so tired of it skipping, he took it for repairs...wow!.....it worked perfectly again......for 3months!.
My younger brother tried it too and now? We watch movies and its ok...if you don’t mind Spartacus acting like he's having minor seizures on the screen while his words are coming faster than his lips can pronouns them (which I don’t really mind) ...or his lips are moving faster than the words can come out (which is worse). I really hate it when that happens. Not that I mind much, I probably fall asleep before I finish watching 3 episodes. Ok. So ere I am and I have this beautiful friend am thinking we can be friends (well, she’s already my friend...so you know what I mean). Anyway, (that’s not the issue now). Well, (where was i?). ok, so here I was having a nice nap this particular Saturday morning, after a crazy night at road runners, zanzy bar and one other bar which I can’t for the life of me remember...but I knew I danced with one fine ass chick who was all over me and told me half of her mid-life crisis story (like I don’t have mine).
Anyway, there I was on my bed in dream land in my 3 quarters and no shirt on around 12noon. it was just starting to get a lil hot when suddenly, my phone rang...I drowsily picked it up and then I hear this all-too-familiar gay voice...'hi Tolu what’s up?,..You home? Cause am on Yetunde brown street"...BAM! My eyes came wide open, emergency brain booting came on immediately.
"What?” I thought then while I was still trying to decide if this was really true...could it be she? Coming to my humble crib? Just like that?
I was on my feet’s and grabbing a shirt monotonously while replying her "where exactly are you...ok......wait in front of ….....building and am coming out.
What? Yea." I was still talking and dressing and I was at my front door and out...wait! I popped back in and shouted a quick whisper to my brother...'I got a visitor; female!!Emergency house clearing needed ASAP!", and I was out of the door. I went out and wow! She was already at my gate. I didn’t even act surprised but all the while I was like "why the sudden visit, I know I asked you once but I only mentioned it and now ...wow...cool. (All these were running trough my head while I kept smiling sweetly and asking how her day was. We made small talk and walked back in.
I love my brother ....he's a real back up. The dinning table all in shambles was devoid of the mountain of books and the whole place was looking clean...Well...except for a slight faint smell of staleness.... oh well; am a bachelor after all so I should be allowed a few things, then I saw a singlet stuff between the edge of the sofa I pulled it out without being seen and went to the room facing the sitting room, opened it and threw in the room and…..lol. The mystery of how he cleaned the sitting room so quickly came to light. The whole room was scattered with books and stuffs…lol. Sharp boy. Deal with it later I thought to my self.
She sat down and we all were gisting. I mean, I like this girl because she can blend easily. My younger sister came in too. She just came from school and she and my mom have both been shopping for clothes for her elder sisters wedding coming up soon.
One thing lead to another and the time just went like that. She stayed for like an hour plus and then it was time to go
We were walking along the road and I think we started talking about, commitment , life and stuff. Then I think I…o.k, i can't still remember how the topic changed to my crib but that was when the yarbing started. I mean, she said it nicely like...'Tolu, you know I really like your personality, the way you dress and all that... But lets take for example your crib, am surprised your house does not show a reflection of......blah....blah...and it went on and on...Infact, one of the reasons I like this woman is she can tell you to go jump in a lake in such a very sweet manner, you’ll prob’ly do it and feel good about it.
I tried defending with my normal excuses...’I don’t really stay in my sitting room’. ‘You know I don’t really care much about all that stuff’. ‘Maybe that’s why I need you in my life...But she calmly brushed them all aside and I felt so naked.
I left her place feeling slightly down and kept thinking. But trust me; I didn’t get to where I am now by being complacent. My street instincts kicked in and the machines in my brain started thinking of ways out of this new dilemma. I was inclined to prove her very wrong. I mean, I was just not bothered before.
Then I remembered the guy that helped my friend paint his room. I quickly brought out my blackberry, sharp! Sharp!! I don BB my padi " abeg send me that guy number wey help you paint your crib...its an emergency" .meanwhile I started doing a mental calculation of how much I had in savings (GADDEM!...not much; considering the commitments I’ve got on my neck for the next 2 months,), how much I could spare and all that. I made a mental note to not club again…at least for the next 3 months. I got home and did a quick inventory. Sofa… TV...my home theater’s still good. What else? Arrrr… Not good. I can’t see what’s wrong with my crib. I left for the prince supermarket to go get a few toiletries and house hold items while still munching on what to do.
Then I saw sixth sense. Today was the 3rd day they were celebrating there house opening day in my area. An idea popped into my head. “You must be crazy’ a part of my brain thought. ‘Where is the money? You’ll just go and feed your eyes and torture your poor brain’ but, I WAS DETERMINED (like kanu said in his peak milk advert). I stepped up to the gate entered and pushed open there main door…
I entered a new world, a few people were already in the place looking around and they got people attending to them. At least I was looking good (never had a problem with that). I looked around…and I saw this wonderful white sofa. I felt soft music playing in my head and then, ……I saw the price tag “N260,000” the music faded sharply into a harsh ear splitting sound. “I told you boy” that persistent mind told me. I was contemplating taking up his offer when I was approached by this guy. Young fellas just like me. He smiled and shook my hand. He introduced himself as gbenga. He happens to be the manager of sixth sense. (At least I remembered to make the grip a lil firm; just the perfect firmness to show I had a mind of my own and not enough to make him wonder otherwise). I also introduced myself (puffing up slightly and making my voice a bit deeper. “My name’s….Am a project designer and...Bla bla. (We got introductions outta the way. (Well, so far so good). That persistent voice just kept mutt. He (Gbenga) showed me around the place but all I was seeing were price tags in the range of N200.000 – wow!!!...., N1, 450.000. Just for a long curved sofa?!. Wall paintings N75, 000, Rug, N115, 000, I had to check my footwear to see if I haven’t soiled the rugs yet.
We went up stairs and I saw the different settings. They had little sitting rooms, bedrooms and bars set up all over. After he had showed me around a bit, he turned and asked “So what do you think?” I told him (without thinking and still entrapped with a particular water painting)….’niceee…but very expensive’. He nodded then went on to explain that this was just the show room; all these stuffs am seeing are imported he pointed out. “ohhhhhhhhh’ I thought to myself.
He then went on to explain about concepts to decorating and setting up a home. He told me Stella Damascus home was kitted with under N500.000. (“HA HA….SEE?…I told you” the thought sneered…”shut up” I said mentally shutting him out). He then asked if I had a budget. (Gosh! I didn’t even think bout that I thought in my mind). I puffed up a lil bit and nonchalantly said ofcourse I do while busily admiring a tapestry. (I quickly started another mental calculation of my meager resources). He told me we could work within my budget and do something really wonderful with it. ”yea…with 50.000?’ I thought within me and kept smiling. We continued to walk around while I marveled at how a simple sitting room and room could look so beautiful, I mean, look at the paintings, I never knew a wall could have four different paintings and still look so …’heavenly’. Then, in the midst of my day dreaming and looking around, he threw me another question (sharp guy). What exactly do you want? I was at first blank then my mind came alive and I started giving him my idea of a room and sitting room leaving enough room for him to maneuver. Basically, I wanted something that I won’t get bored with easily, lotsa colours, no bright colours for me. We got so animated with constructing my sitting room, the time just flew. He suggested leaving my rug as it is and adding a smaller one in the middle of the sitting room. A new painting we both agreed is necessary. A few throw pillows (he assumed I had none and I didn’t bother correcting that notion, the ones I have already are an eye sore). After walking around for an hour I was ready to leave and make plans, my head was filled with ideas. I only need cash, but am getting it, one way or the other. Am throwing out my small TV and getting a bigger one. I was deep in thoughts as I walked next door into ‘one world’ World of electronics.
Am about to pimp my house and am so excited……..
(to be contd....)
My younger brother tried it too and now? We watch movies and its ok...if you don’t mind Spartacus acting like he's having minor seizures on the screen while his words are coming faster than his lips can pronouns them (which I don’t really mind) ...or his lips are moving faster than the words can come out (which is worse). I really hate it when that happens. Not that I mind much, I probably fall asleep before I finish watching 3 episodes. Ok. So ere I am and I have this beautiful friend am thinking we can be friends (well, she’s already my friend...so you know what I mean). Anyway, (that’s not the issue now). Well, (where was i?). ok, so here I was having a nice nap this particular Saturday morning, after a crazy night at road runners, zanzy bar and one other bar which I can’t for the life of me remember...but I knew I danced with one fine ass chick who was all over me and told me half of her mid-life crisis story (like I don’t have mine).
Anyway, there I was on my bed in dream land in my 3 quarters and no shirt on around 12noon. it was just starting to get a lil hot when suddenly, my phone rang...I drowsily picked it up and then I hear this all-too-familiar gay voice...'hi Tolu what’s up?,..You home? Cause am on Yetunde brown street"...BAM! My eyes came wide open, emergency brain booting came on immediately.
"What?” I thought then while I was still trying to decide if this was really true...could it be she? Coming to my humble crib? Just like that?
I was on my feet’s and grabbing a shirt monotonously while replying her "where exactly are you...ok......wait in front of ….....building and am coming out.
What? Yea." I was still talking and dressing and I was at my front door and out...wait! I popped back in and shouted a quick whisper to my brother...'I got a visitor; female!!Emergency house clearing needed ASAP!", and I was out of the door. I went out and wow! She was already at my gate. I didn’t even act surprised but all the while I was like "why the sudden visit, I know I asked you once but I only mentioned it and now ...wow...cool. (All these were running trough my head while I kept smiling sweetly and asking how her day was. We made small talk and walked back in.
I love my brother ....he's a real back up. The dinning table all in shambles was devoid of the mountain of books and the whole place was looking clean...Well...except for a slight faint smell of staleness.... oh well; am a bachelor after all so I should be allowed a few things, then I saw a singlet stuff between the edge of the sofa I pulled it out without being seen and went to the room facing the sitting room, opened it and threw in the room and…..lol. The mystery of how he cleaned the sitting room so quickly came to light. The whole room was scattered with books and stuffs…lol. Sharp boy. Deal with it later I thought to my self.
She sat down and we all were gisting. I mean, I like this girl because she can blend easily. My younger sister came in too. She just came from school and she and my mom have both been shopping for clothes for her elder sisters wedding coming up soon.
One thing lead to another and the time just went like that. She stayed for like an hour plus and then it was time to go
We were walking along the road and I think we started talking about, commitment , life and stuff. Then I think I…o.k, i can't still remember how the topic changed to my crib but that was when the yarbing started. I mean, she said it nicely like...'Tolu, you know I really like your personality, the way you dress and all that... But lets take for example your crib, am surprised your house does not show a reflection of......blah....blah...and it went on and on...Infact, one of the reasons I like this woman is she can tell you to go jump in a lake in such a very sweet manner, you’ll prob’ly do it and feel good about it.
I tried defending with my normal excuses...’I don’t really stay in my sitting room’. ‘You know I don’t really care much about all that stuff’. ‘Maybe that’s why I need you in my life...But she calmly brushed them all aside and I felt so naked.
I left her place feeling slightly down and kept thinking. But trust me; I didn’t get to where I am now by being complacent. My street instincts kicked in and the machines in my brain started thinking of ways out of this new dilemma. I was inclined to prove her very wrong. I mean, I was just not bothered before.
Then I remembered the guy that helped my friend paint his room. I quickly brought out my blackberry, sharp! Sharp!! I don BB my padi " abeg send me that guy number wey help you paint your crib...its an emergency" .meanwhile I started doing a mental calculation of how much I had in savings (GADDEM!...not much; considering the commitments I’ve got on my neck for the next 2 months,), how much I could spare and all that. I made a mental note to not club again…at least for the next 3 months. I got home and did a quick inventory. Sofa… TV...my home theater’s still good. What else? Arrrr… Not good. I can’t see what’s wrong with my crib. I left for the prince supermarket to go get a few toiletries and house hold items while still munching on what to do.
Then I saw sixth sense. Today was the 3rd day they were celebrating there house opening day in my area. An idea popped into my head. “You must be crazy’ a part of my brain thought. ‘Where is the money? You’ll just go and feed your eyes and torture your poor brain’ but, I WAS DETERMINED (like kanu said in his peak milk advert). I stepped up to the gate entered and pushed open there main door…
I entered a new world, a few people were already in the place looking around and they got people attending to them. At least I was looking good (never had a problem with that). I looked around…and I saw this wonderful white sofa. I felt soft music playing in my head and then, ……I saw the price tag “N260,000” the music faded sharply into a harsh ear splitting sound. “I told you boy” that persistent mind told me. I was contemplating taking up his offer when I was approached by this guy. Young fellas just like me. He smiled and shook my hand. He introduced himself as gbenga. He happens to be the manager of sixth sense. (At least I remembered to make the grip a lil firm; just the perfect firmness to show I had a mind of my own and not enough to make him wonder otherwise). I also introduced myself (puffing up slightly and making my voice a bit deeper. “My name’s….Am a project designer and...Bla bla. (We got introductions outta the way. (Well, so far so good). That persistent voice just kept mutt. He (Gbenga) showed me around the place but all I was seeing were price tags in the range of N200.000 – wow!!!...., N1, 450.000. Just for a long curved sofa?!. Wall paintings N75, 000, Rug, N115, 000, I had to check my footwear to see if I haven’t soiled the rugs yet.
We went up stairs and I saw the different settings. They had little sitting rooms, bedrooms and bars set up all over. After he had showed me around a bit, he turned and asked “So what do you think?” I told him (without thinking and still entrapped with a particular water painting)….’niceee…but very expensive’. He nodded then went on to explain that this was just the show room; all these stuffs am seeing are imported he pointed out. “ohhhhhhhhh’ I thought to myself.
He then went on to explain about concepts to decorating and setting up a home. He told me Stella Damascus home was kitted with under N500.000. (“HA HA….SEE?…I told you” the thought sneered…”shut up” I said mentally shutting him out). He then asked if I had a budget. (Gosh! I didn’t even think bout that I thought in my mind). I puffed up a lil bit and nonchalantly said ofcourse I do while busily admiring a tapestry. (I quickly started another mental calculation of my meager resources). He told me we could work within my budget and do something really wonderful with it. ”yea…with 50.000?’ I thought within me and kept smiling. We continued to walk around while I marveled at how a simple sitting room and room could look so beautiful, I mean, look at the paintings, I never knew a wall could have four different paintings and still look so …’heavenly’. Then, in the midst of my day dreaming and looking around, he threw me another question (sharp guy). What exactly do you want? I was at first blank then my mind came alive and I started giving him my idea of a room and sitting room leaving enough room for him to maneuver. Basically, I wanted something that I won’t get bored with easily, lotsa colours, no bright colours for me. We got so animated with constructing my sitting room, the time just flew. He suggested leaving my rug as it is and adding a smaller one in the middle of the sitting room. A new painting we both agreed is necessary. A few throw pillows (he assumed I had none and I didn’t bother correcting that notion, the ones I have already are an eye sore). After walking around for an hour I was ready to leave and make plans, my head was filled with ideas. I only need cash, but am getting it, one way or the other. Am throwing out my small TV and getting a bigger one. I was deep in thoughts as I walked next door into ‘one world’ World of electronics.
Am about to pimp my house and am so excited……..
(to be contd....)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)